I'm going out tonight...

I'm busy often.

Starting at PB Cosmetology soon.

I don't know.

I need a drink.

I met Boyd Rice today and made money being dead yesterday. Sweet.
If you're on my FL on myspace check my rant in the last bulletin I posted about meeting Boyd.
It was cool and everything, just kinda disappointing.

Beehive, beauty mark, septum.

Apparently if I wore a scarf and was interested in casual sex, I'd be a hipster.

Stupid novels.

Cute shit I got from my sourpuss shoot yesterday. I've also got the least fake fake nails on with the prettiest gray purple nailpolish evarrrr. I got about $200/$300 worth of free merch for modeling for them. I'll post most of it underneath the cut.

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Then here's a few shots from my shoot with Delilah's Collection.



The rest are beyond the cut.
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I dropped out of school.

I need to move out. I'm being suffocated.

Sicky icky ick.

I went home this weekend, stepped on the scale since I thought I gained weight.

Apparently I've lost a couple pounds. Somehow look fatter though.

I need to vomit. Fucking diesel.

"Its such a long way down
Maybe I should try a floor below
A softer landing might just
Ease the pain
Being a coward is such a drag"

Withdrawl, I presume.

This place is lame.

Asbury Park is nothing like Camden.

People are obnoxious here, guess that's better than everyone hating me back home.

Classes suck.

Went to NY over the weekend. Hung out with Neil, Laur and William Jacob.

I love artists and art.

I want to create highbrow, death art for the rest of my life.

Trainwreck.
Trainwreck.
Trainwreck.

Sometimes, silly things make me giggle. I need to get better at the internet.

Oh wait, nevermind. I just realized I don't know how to make coffee. I probably should stop listening to so much Sisters of Mercy so I don't cry at everything ever today.

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The images have nothing to do with the words. But in reality, they have everything to do with it.


"I'm still here," she feels like saying. "Just a little less. A little less of me."
But they look blankly straight through her: the pain is too much.

'A shape of my own' by Grace Bowman

I don't think I've ever felt so alone in my life.

My purse got stolen on top of all of this. Everything was in it. All my best make-up, social security card, atm card, checks with my bank routing number... No one was there to even attempt to make me feel better.

I don't know how much longer I can continue with this.

I don't understand how I've transformed from this girl


into this woman in a less than 2 years.

This is stupid and I hate live journal but I need somewhere to vent.

Sigh.

I just don't even know what to say or how I feel anymore.

I've been god awfully miserable for a while. There's something wrong with my body. I ache so much and constantly feel nauseous. The drugs make that slightly better so it helps to be fucked up- but then I have to deal with the come down which adds onto the nausea. Speaking of my body, not matter how much pilates, dieting, throwing up(from the nausea, so shut up.) and such... I just can't seem to drop below 115lbs. I need this modeling thing to work out. I doubt it will. Sigh. I hate how average everything is in my life. I have no real friends other than Bryan. This worries me because I don't know if he's even capable of thinking of anyone other than himself. I don't even really want to hang out with anyone that him. Well, I've reconnected with George and Katilyn but they've already proved multiple times that they're not actually there for me. I don't even know what the deal is with Bryan... He's going to get irritated of hanging out with me constantly. I think he already is... Bryan introduced me to one of his friends, he's actually really interesting and is a proper person. I've been hanging out with him a lot as well... But you know, I'm boring/annoying so we'll see how long I have a new friend for. He'll probably turn out to be just like Scott. In fact, when I was hanging out with him and Kaitlyn- it was just so weird. I was in the back seat of her car and every time I looked at him... I just saw Scott. I couldn't even think of what this guy looked like, just Scott's face. It was really just upsetting. I'm just so happy I'm moving away from all of this in less than a month. I don't even need anyone, I'm sure. This place just makes me so miserable I want to latch onto people.

I'm a fag. I don't know what to do with myself.

(Journal comments have been disabled so don't bother.)

Mandy, by quitting, you are now making work almost unbearably boring. If I wasn't quitting in a month, I'd be bitter. (Portrait Innovations, if you are reading this.. feel free to fire me. Kthx.)

Thank you cards, I'd really like for you to start writing yourselves. I'm sick and tired and don't like you.

Friends, please stop peeing in the bathroom sinks. That's what I have a pool for.

I've thrown up 14 times within 24 hours. Mmmm. Weight loss.

Really though, I need to take better care of myself. I've been sick 11 out of 14 days in the past two weeks. Yes, I've counted. I'm bitter. Fuck off.

I never properly update anymore. Meh.

Ticket 0411 C 041625
Defendant Name Alexandra Z Harris
Vehicle Make Niss
License Plate GG632M (NJ)

Offense 39:4-144 Disregard Stop Sign Regulation Or Yield Sign
Offense Date/Time 07/13/08 03:09 PM
Offense Location Collings At Park

Pay by Date 07/23/08
Penalty Due $85.00


FUUCKKK

Oh well. I was unsick by Tuesday at least. :] Got very drunk, albeit havign to look at some stupid skanks kind of ruined my night. Ah well. :] I got to hang out with Jorge finalllyyy. <33

This has been a very very good week. Proper update later?


Last night.